Lent and Life - One month and counting

Mea Culpa!

I haven't posted in over a week - I haven't ignored you intentionally, it's more a combination of life-events at a status quo and an attempt to reintegrate myself into a life-schedule that could be termed "normal"

Normal is an interesting word in this case. I'm coming to a realization that just about nothing will be "normal" ever again after a January 2006 that I've spent. It's almost as if the "old" me ceased to exist on 30 January and a totally "new" me took over. Many have questioned me about this, asking "Do you feel different? Do you feel better?" To both, the answer is a resounding YES!

I'm having insights into why some transplant patients seem to change parts of their lives that had been "normal" before, and pass the "blame" on the new organ - as if there is some mystical power that a new kidney or heart wields over the "old" body.

I even read one hysterical but frustrating story about a lumberjack who received a new kidney from a woman and was frustrated to find that he no longer enjoyed drinking with his friends, but preferred to clean house and iron and cook after the kidney was introduced into his body. He was planning to sue *someone* because his workmates teased him so severely.

He missed the point.

I had the point come to great clarity to me this Ash Wednesday.

"Remember that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return."

I've received ashes on Ash Wednesday for many years, and have heard these words many times over the years (now 40) of church work and service. On THIS particular Ash Wednesday, the impact was staggering.

Although I'm certainly not fearful of what happens after life here among you [ You can not scare me with Heaven ] and I know with certainty of the celebration of death into new life-energy, I was impacted with a deeper understanding that, truly, I was very near experiencing my return to dust.

The unbelievable gift of life that I was blessed to receive on 30 January still overwhelms me and will continue to impact me moment by moment and hour by hour for the remainder of my life.

There is truth in the fact that there are changes that I cannot understand or explain. For those of you who know me well, you will be astounded to know that I have not made the first pot of coffee in my home since right before 11 Jan 2006. The coffee pot stands in the kitchen - clean and empty. This isn't to say that I can't have coffee (I can) or that I'm protecting myself from that (I'm not consciously) but I simply don't want it. I've had maybe three cups of coffee since 30 January. It's simply not appealing. I don't' know why.

Simply, I DO know that something changed inside of me. It's not changed my abilities to make music or to function - simply - it's made me aware of life in a new way that I wasn't prepared to see. I'm thankful to feel so wonderfully different and alive!


I'm back to Duke for a final removal of appliances - this time the stint - early in the coming week. I'm carefully checking and monitoring pain levels and blood pressure, temperature and weight daily and know that I'm only a phone call away from receiving advice and medical attention 24 hours a day. I'm napping a good amount and also find that sitting at the computer isn't comfortable.

I can see already that there will be challenges ahead - financial challenges and health challenges on the horizon. Life will not be "normal" again.

I'm excited that it will not be!

Grace and Peace in this Lenten Season
Tim and Kid